Journey

I'm a bit add so my thoughts are everywhere

I started a new job this week and school. I intentionally took this job at bristol's. I know the environment and what it will be like. How will i know if I have changed and can withstand saying no to those things i was tied to before? I trust myself enough to know if I feel i do not need to be there any longer i will leave. I prayed about it and really thought it over. I know it may seem excessive for just a job, but for me its not about making money. It is showing myself that I can go in that environment and not fall into that lifestyle again. I know this time of no work and school was a season, being able to hang out with good people everyday, have a schedule i followed, read as much as I want and stay in a place that was safe for me to heal. I know that things are just being thrown at me to lose focus of the path that I am on. I got 2 tickets last night, I locked myself out of my room and had to knock down the door to get in, i didn't get enough money for school loans so i can't even afford books. It could go on and on if I want it to. Through it all I still feel really hopeful, I know God has a plan for me and for these things. I feel like my patience and trust is being tested big time. I don't trust anyone. But that is something I am working on.I have such a fear of going back to that place I was once in. But I know with God you can't go back, only forward. And I am so thankful for that.

I read this today and loved it!!

"Although I experience many ups and downs in my emotions and often feel great shifts and changes in my inner life, you remain the same. Your sameness is not the sameness of a rock, but the sameness of a faithful lover. Out of your love I came to life; by your love I am sustained; and to your love I am always called back. There are days of sadness and days of joy; there are feelings of guilt and feelings of gratitude; there are moments of failure and moments of success; but all of them are embraced by your unwavering love.

My only real temptation is to doubt in your love, to think of myself as beyond the reach of your love, to remove myself from the healing radiance of your love. To do these things is to move into the darkness of despair. O' Lord, let me not fear too much the storms and winds of my daily life, and let me know that there is ebb and flow but that the sea remains the sea."